How to influence through gaining control and giving your clients the control they need to succeed

This post goes into the details of what and how we can control, influence and respond to our environment and that influence is created through clarity

People crave control. There’s very little that we have control over and gaining more control allows us to leave a bigger impact and create change. Control makes our lives easier, gives us access to more resources and rewards. Control helps us with influencing others.

The craving for control comes from within us and we all crave more control. Control is why you learn and seek help, why you work with coaches, trainers or any kind of experts.

Let me give you a few examples:

Dog owners work with trainers because they want better control over their dogs. They want their dog to come back when called in any situation. They want their dogs to hop into their basket and stay calm when visitors come instead of barking madly when the doorbell goes and jumping up trying to lick your visitors’ faces.

Better control over your dog comes from a better relationship, from understanding your dog’s needs and behaviour – and then adding joyful elements to your relationship that your dog finds intrinsically rewarding.

Getting control over your dog is achieved through understanding your dog, creating a relationship, knowing how to train your dog and then consistently work with your dog – that influences your dog’s behaviour towards you and how your dog behaves within his environment.


When I suffered from chronic lower back pain, I sought the help of a chiropractor to control my back pain because it was making my life miserable.

He helped me understand what caused my pain and what I could do to cure and prevent it. I learned the exercises I needed to do to strengthen my core and that continuous, regular exercise is the key to creating a strong core that results in a pain-free back without taking any drugs.

And that has led me to lead a much healthier life altogether. It also influenced my family so that we all have integrated more and different physical exercises into our daily lives.


When people come to work with me, they want more control to influence their audience and ultimately their clients.

But before we get there, let's take a look at…

What can we actually control?

During my MBA I came across a model that explained our reach of control. We can only control our close or internal environment.

That’s us as a person or our business as our closest environment. Beyond that lies our near environment. That would be our family, friends, clients and our general audience or even competitors. We cannot control them, but we can influence them through the knowledge we share, our opinions, the support we give them etc.

And lastly, there is our far environment. These are the factors we can only react to. The country and the political and legal system, the climate, economy, trade and tax laws etc.

There are very few things that we can do to control certain aspects of our far environment like becoming politically active or making ground-breaking inventions that change our environment for the better.

When we start a company, we have to follow the rules and register our company according to the legal requirements and file our tax returns according to existing tax laws. And when the environment changes because an epidemic hits, we can only react and find a way that we can survive or even thrive in that climate.

And that means that we need to work on what we can control and influence – ourselves and our immediate environment.

But what does that actually mean?

Let’s start with ourselves. Why do we do the things we do? And what does taking control of ourselves look like? What’s the point of taking control?

Our brains drive everything. They are programmed to seek pleasure and avoid pain so that we seek out things that give us pleasure and that we find rewarding.

The things that we find rewarding

We are all motivated by things that come from within ourselves or intrinsic rewards. These are things that give our lives meaning and purpose, things that we are passionate about, and that we enjoy doing.

On the other hand, there are also those things that come from the outside and that we find “extrinsically” rewarding.

These are things like social recognition, status, money, power, awards or appreciation.

But how do we know which of these things matter to us most and how we can gain – or better – have control over them?

Like I said earlier – people come to work with me because they like to influence their audience, they want to build relationships, want to be opinion leaders and ultimately earn (more) money with their businesses.

And what they miss when they enter my world is clarity - because control comes through clarity. The clarity I help my clients achieve is vital to control their internal environment, influence those around them and be able to react and thrive within the current conditions created by their far environment. I show my clients how to influence their near environment through their actions and communications.

Let’s start with your internal environment…

What do you need to know about yourself?

Everything starts with you. You are sitting at the control centre and need clarity about where you want to steer your ship. You need clarity to move in a direction that is aligned with who you are and what you want to achieve.

Figuring that out is not always easy because you need to answer questions like who you want to be, how you want to show up every day, what you have to offer the world, how you want to interact with people, what your purpose is, what skills and strengths you have, which knowledge, experience and expertise to share, and how you want to feel.

Understanding all these things gives you the power and ability to define your purpose and your goals. It helps you to answer the question of why you are here.

It helps you to define your values and how you are going to live those. Who you authentically are and going to show up as. Living a purposeful life is intrinsically rewarding.

People who have no goals or anything meaningful that they want to create often lack purpose, direction, and joy. As a result, they don’t achieve very much.

I challenge you to think about and write down what greater purpose you want to serve.

I have condensed mine down to three words. Like that, I can easily remind myself throughout the day to stay on course.

My words are “listen – enlighten – empower”. Something that is true for myself and for the work I do with my clients. (And that is material for another post)

These words give me focus, they empower and motivate me. In fact, they get me super excited about starting my day and being allowed to work!

Something else that gets me super motivated – are my clients. And here we get into the area that you can influence…

What do you need to know about your clients?

One thing that you definitely need to understand is – what kind of control do your clients want?

If you’re a dog trainer – then your clients want control over their dogs’ behaviour.

If you’re a baby sleep coach – then your clients want control over baby’s and ultimately their sleep habits.

If you’re a personal trainer – then your clients want control over creating the healthiest and strongest body possible…

And if you are a brand messaging strategist – then your clients want clarity to control the communication that influences their audience.

Whatever expert you are, you need to know what control your clients want, what control you can give them and how you can help them to joyfully show up as who they want to be.

This leads us to…

What do you need to know about your offer?

Your offer gives your clients the tools and techniques that help them create the control that they want in their lives.

If you are coaching people who suffer from emotional eating – then you help them gain control over their eating habits and food choices.

That transformation is a process, and your offer is the journey that your clients take to take control. It should be as short and effective as possible, and each step and exercise should serve the purpose of taking your clients closer to their goals.

It’s not about how many bonuses you stuff into your offer or how many hours of videos you have in your online course. It is about how effective your offer is and whether each step has a benefit that contributes to the overall outcome that your clients want to achieve.

So, what you need to know is…

Does my offer work?

Does it follow a straight path to success?

Is it focused on the needle moving activities and outcomes only?

That ensures that you can influence your clients to take action that allows them to take control in the area they were struggling in.

And lastly – I need to mention one area that you also have total control over and need to understand…

What do you need to understand about your brand?

Your brand is what you have control over in order to influence all those whose lives your brand touches.

You can control how your audience and your clients feel about you through the content that you share, how your audience experiences your brand, the outcomes that you create, and the lives that you change.

With your brand, you can create a community of people who share your values and believes, who have experienced the impact of the work that you are doing, those who follow you along and contribute, and those who want to still experience working with you.

Your brand is your creation to serve a purpose that is bigger than you. It is your contribution that allows influencing those around you to react and give them the tools and techniques to cope, survive and thrive in the conditions they experience through their far environment.

Being in control, influencing and reacting well to whatever conditions you find yourself in, is connected to the deliberate actions that you take. It is your choice how you want to live your life, whom and how you want to influence, and whether you want to thrive in the conditions you’re finding yourself in.

The journey starts with you. The sooner you create clarity, the sooner you can take control of your life and your business.

And if you want to create more clarity and take charge instead of being influenced and reacting to what’s happening around you – then fillin the form below and we can talk and see how I can help you.

Categories: Brand Messaging, Clarity, Messaging, Strategy

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